Desperate
by dark-firekitty
Summary: It's CP9, Lucci and Kaku FRIENDSHIP it's NO pairing. It's somewhere between the Cover from 505 and 508. The song is 'Desperate' from Stanfour. Rated K, because I'm not familiar with the rating system yet. It's my first FF in english so please be gentle:


**Desperate**

When the sun faded away far away on the horizon and the silence and darkness of the night slowly took control over the world, he could be seen on the balcony of his little apartment, standing on the railing, looking into the distance.

_You´re reachin´out_

_And no one hears_

_you cry_

His face still emotionless, his fingers dug into the wooden railing, as he thought about his comrades and how they had spent the day. It was hilarious. They used to be killers. They used to spend their hole live working for the Government and now they were all the time out, laughing, having fun. Enjoying their pitiful little lives.

_You´re freakin´out again_

_Cause all your fears _

_remind you_

He really wanted to join them. But he couldn't. Wasn't it weakness to let his guard down even once? Wasn't it dangerous to show that much of himself in front of the others? Couldn't anyone of them - especially Jyabura - hurt him, if they get that much knowledge of him?

After all they had done for him, he couldn't trust them enough to join them and laugh with them. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't even know why.

_Another dream, has come undone_

_You feel so small and lost_

_Like you´re the only one_

_You wanna scream_

_Cause you´re desperate_

He looked up to the sky. Someone up there had to hate him. Once in a long time he had almost felt happy, eventually driving home after five years on a successful mission, leaving the ones who'd thought of him as a friend for the hole time badly hurt behind him. Now he was able to act as himself again.

But then this pirates had turned up, destroying everything he had lived for.

_You want somebody just anybody_

_To lay their hands on your soul tonight_

Sure, he had felt alone all the time he had lived, but he had became used to that. He may have a pet pigeon but he didn't need anyone in his life. He could care of his welfare by his own good enough.

_You want a reason_

_To keep believin´_

_That someday_

_You´re gonna see the light_

He quietly sighed without making a sound. The last two days had shown him that he couldn't. Without the help of the others he wouldn't even be alive by now. He would have died slowly in the ruins of the once so magnificent Tower of Justice.

Realizing that two months he had been unconscious and totally helpless and was even now forced to rely on the help of his comrades, he suddenly felt very sick. If he couldn't even care for himself anymore… wasn't he worthless? The urge to become one of the strongest man in the world was the only thing which had made him wanted to live after all what had happened when he was young. And once he became strong, he had wanted to become even stronger. It was the knowledge of his own strength that had calmed him down every time. But now that he was weak, what was he worth anymore?

_It´s 3a.m._

_There´s no one left _

_to call_

_And sleep´s your only friend_

_But even sleep _

_can´t hide you_

_From all those tears_

_And all the pain_

_And all those years you wasted_

_Pushing them away_

_You´re goin´down_

_It´s time you face it_

If he looked back on his life now, he didn't know how he should feel. For twenty years he had lived for the Government alone, risked his life again every day for their sake. And now they left him and the rest of their secret killers for dead, because… because they had lost the battle against the pirates.

Not knowing what to do with his life anymore, he felt somehow hopeless. But had he ever felt hope in his life? If it was so, he didn't remember.

_You want somebody just anybody_

_To lay their hands on your soul tonight_

_You want a reason_

_To keep believin´_

_That someday_

_You´re gonna see the light_

While thinking of the day, he suddenly felt alone. The others came along with each other so well, having fun and laughing all the day. He had sat next to them and only had watched. Sure, they had ask him to join them. He had always thought 'yes' but said 'no'. After a while they had shrugged and had let him be.

_Cause you´re desperate desperate_

_You´re desperate now_

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched lightly while scolding himself for not noticing the entry of the one who had his hand on him now. He didn't need to turn his head to know who was disturbing him.

"Lucci." He heard Kaku's voice. "Is something wrong with you?"

"No. What do you want?" His voice sounded more annoyed then he wanted it to.

_You think that things_

_Are gonna change_

_Then you´re back to be feelin´strange_

_What´s it take to_

_Make you feel alive_

"Nothing. I was just checking if you are all right. But if I am disturbing you _that_ much, I can go…" Kaku turned away to leave.

"As I'd care whether you are here or not." Lucci turned to face the sky again.

Kaku smiled, for he knew just to well that even the oh so mighty Lucci sometime felt lonely but was way to stubborn to gave in and say it and that what he just said was his vision of 'please, stay'. So he took his place on Lucci's side once again.

They stood shoulder near shoulder and watched the sun going down, both in their own world but enjoying the presence of the other one.

_You want somebody just anybody_

_To lay their hands on your soul tonight_

_You want a reason_

_To keep believin´_

_That someday_

_You´re gonna see the light_

_You want somebody just anybody_

_To lay their hands on your soul tonight_

_You want a reason_

_To keep believin´_

_That someday_

_You´re gonna see the light_

_Cause you´re desperate desperate_

_So desperate tonight_


End file.
